Helping Siblings Get Along

by Dr. Don MacMannis, Ph.D. aka Dr. Mac.

siblings fighting

During these times of higher than usual stress across the nation, it’s no wonder that families are in need of help. Like proverbial rats in a cage nipping at each other, it’s all too typical for kids to take their frustrations out on each other—saying things like: 

  • “Benjamin pushed me!”
  • “Melissa won’t get out of the bathroom.”
  • “It’s my turn to play on the tablet!”

In addition to overall levels of stress, family conflict happens more when kids don’t have tools to handle their feelings. Although sibling rivalry is normal, there are ways to improve your situation. With everyone at home, you have an opportunity to teach new social and emotional learning skills. Squeeze that lemon and make some lemonade!

Here are some guidelines: 

  1. Identify the Issue

Many parents get lost in dealing with the content of sibling disagreements when it’s really the process that matters. In addition to a focus on rules— like how much time each child can handle the remote—what are the upsets that your kids have that can lead to disagreements about almost any issue?

Explain in a family meeting that, just like toys can break and need fixing, sometimes our relationships need to be repaired. We don’t throw a bicycle away when it’s got a flat tire or the chain has come off! 

It’s important to put some attention into making things new again with people that we care about. It’s the unresolved feelings in families that result in conflict and break-downs, and persistent bickering is simply a signal that it’s time for repair by talking things out.

  1. Model Good Listening 

Good listening is a key to helping others let go of negative feelings. In fact, studies show that people report greater life satisfaction and fewer physical symptoms on the days when they feel more understood by others in verbal interactions. It helps us feel naturally more caring toward that person. By showing your child that you are actively listening, you will build respect, trust and a sense of mutual understanding. 

  1. Introduce the “Repair Kit”

When you need a tool to resolve conflict and smooth out a relationship, the following Repair Kit can provide an effective path toward forgiveness. It helps to bring out the best in others, and Dr. Mac’s research in elementary schools shows that kids as young as five years old can benefit. 

If you and your partner could use a little tune-up, try using this same tool as well. Your own experience with the process allows you to best coach your kids. Rather than waiting for conflict to occur, first practice the skills in a family meeting at a time when things are going relatively smoothly.  

Here are the activity steps: 

Person #1: Starts as speaker

Person #2: Starts as listener 

Siblings should sit face-to-face so that their knees are almost touching. The speaker should avoid using words like you “always”, “never” and “every time” because these words increase defensiveness. It’s also recommended that the listener take frequent deep breaths to avoid becoming upset and reactive. To start, Person #1 will share with person #2 the following:

  • Express a genuine appreciation toward the other

“One thing I like about you is….”

  • Express, to let go of, one upset toward the other, for example:

“It made me mad when you teased me about my shirt today”.

“I didn’t like it when…”

“I don’t like it when…”

  • Express a desire about what you want in connection with the upset, such as: 

“I want you to be nice to me”

“I’d appreciate it if you would…”

After Person #1 completes the activity, reverse the flow so that Person #2 becomes the speaker and Person #1 becomes the listener. After a few rounds of going back and forth, a strong conclusion to the process is to share apologies with each other and share a hug or high five.

  1. Use Songs to Ground These Ideas

As a psychologist who has specialized in the treatment of children and families for over forty years, Dr. Mac has an online courses in parenting education. As a professional songwriter he has an award-winning series of songs and activities for character and social and emotional learning. During these challenging times, Dr. Mac is offering a free song that is an ideal companion to ground these concepts with kids 4 to 9 years old. Simply click here to download Talk it Out.

Getting Through This Together

A person holding a baby posing for the camera

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Decades of research shows that healthy communication fosters strong loving relationships. Use this time to practice effective listening and the constructive expression of feelings. Despite increased stress, once you teach your kids how to use the repair kit, your family will emerge from this time more connected. Have some fun with it by adding music and laughter.

Click here to find Dr. Mac’s Happy Kids Songs on Songs for Teaching

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Description automatically generated About the Author:

Don MacMannis, Ph.D. is a psychologist and Co-Director of the Family Therapy Institute of Santa Barbara. He has specialized in the treatment of children and families for over forty years. “Dr. Mac” is the co-author of two highly acclaimed books: How’s Your Family Really Doing?: 10 Keys to a Happy Loving Family. and Who’s the Boss? The Win-Win Way to Parent Your Defiant Strong-Willed Child. His online parenting course, Parenting Spirited, Strong-Willed Kids, has been attended by parents internationally. Also specializing in creative projects for young children, he was music director and songwriter for the PBS hit series, Jay Jay the Jet Plane. Most recently he produced Happy Kids Songs, an award-winning series of over fifty songs and activities for social and emotional learning. In high demand as a presenter on topics related to parenting, he has been featured in national newspapers, magazines, over a hundred radio programs, CNN, Time Magazine, Inside Edition, Time for Kids, AOL, and At Home-Live. 

Summer Break! Time to Rest, Relax and Reflect

You’ve worked hard all year, and it’s important to take some time for yourself to recharge, refresh and reflect. Don’t forget to integrate music into your classroom planning!

As a teacher, you deserve some solid rest and relaxation during summer break. You’ve worked hard all year, and it’s important to take some time for yourself to recharge and refresh. However, it may also be helpful to get a jump start on planning for next year. Here are a few tips:

  • Reflect on the past year. What went well? What could have been improved? What are your goals for next year?
  • Start planning your curriculum. What units will you teach? What resources will you need?
  • Create a schedule. This will help you stay on track during the school year.
  • Network with other teachers. Get ideas and support from your colleagues.
  • Take some time for yourself. Don’t forget to relax and enjoy your summer break!

Planning ahead will help you have a successful school year. But don’t forget to take some time for yourself, too. You deserve it!

Don’t forget to integrate music into your classroom planning!

There are many benefits of using music in the classroom. It can help to:

  • Improve focus and concentration
  • Increase motivation and engagement
  • Promote creativity and problem-solving
  • Reduce stress and anxiety
  • Enhance memory and recall
  • Improve academic performance

Music can be used in a variety of ways in the classroom, such as:

  • Playing background music during activities or lectures
  • Using music to create a positive learning environment
  • Using music to teach specific concepts or skills
  • Having students create their own music

When used effectively, music can be a powerful tool for learning and motivation. See our songs by categories below!

Advocate for Music in School and Enhance Brain Development

March is Music in our Schools month and a time for advocating for more music in education as well as building brain development with music!

Today’s post was written by Maryann “Mar.” Harman, Author, Composer, Teacher, and Founder of Music with Mar.

It is March – Music in our Schools Month.

Although parents should always support music in our schools, March is Music in our School Month and is especially dedicated to advocacy for music in schools. Pay attention when music programs are getting cut out, or when a music room is being taken away to be used for something else. Let the school know that you value music as part of the curriculum. Here are some things you can do:

  1. Support the programs in your local schools by attending them. 
  2. Bring your children so they learn to do the same.
  3.  Inform local media of events happening at your child’s school. 
  4. Join the Booster Club
  5. Send invitations to school board members to attend events
  6. Write a letter of thanks to the principal for keeping the arts in the curriculum
  7. Donate used instruments for children who can’t afford them
  8. Find out if there is a local school that cannot afford a music program. Write a letter to your local paper informing them about it and express what a difference music made for you.

Other ways you can use music!

Because you can’t always get to a live musical production, watch musicals with your children. Sing along and play the music after watching. Musicals, along with entertaining, teach lessons. There are only three or four Disney movies that do not have songs. They do have a soundtrack. It is understood that children will remember music lyrics more easily than spoken word. Try to read this phrase and not hear the music. “Let it go! Let it go!” And, you are welcome that I put that back in your head. Which is, by the way, an ear worm, a tune getting stuck in your head!

Enroll your children in music lessons, dance lessons. Go to their performances. Celebrate them! Bring them to shows that friends and family members are in. Six year olds who were given weekly voice and piano lessons had small increases in IQ by as much as 3 points higher than children in other test groups. Students in top-quality music programs scored 22% better in English and 20% better in Math than students in deficient music programs.

Music and the Brain

You can also recommend watching the TEDx talk I’ve done or share the book of the same name – “Building Brains with Music”. When parents are informed about how such a simple thing as music can have such a large impact on the total person, they are less likely to sit by as programs get taken out.  

All teachers should feel comfortable bringing music into any lesson.  A song about Living & Non-living Things can make a science lesson come ‘Alive’ (check out Music with Mar.’s Science with a Song album).  Marching around the room while reciting times tables gets the whole body memorizing and understanding the facts (see Mar.’s Multiplication Moves album).  Listening to a song that tells a story always makes a social studies lesson more interesting (Check out Mar.’s Wide Mouthed Bullfrog album).  Not everyone teaches music; everyone can USE music to teach.

Here is a list of brain facts about music to help you raise your voice to sing its praises!

*When music is taught comprehensively and sequentially in schools, it increases math, science, reading, history and SAT scores.

*Research confirms music education at an early age greatly increases the likelihood that a child will grow up to seek higher education and ultimately earn a higher salary.

*Music improves cognitive and non-cognitive skills more than twice as much as sports, theater or dance.

*It takes just four minutes of physical activity to help a child focus for at least 50 minutes of classroom learning time.

*Involvement in musical activities changes levels in neurochemicals and activates areas on both sides of the brain known to be involved in emotion, reward and motivation.

*Musicians have an approximately 12% larger corpus callosum.  This is a series of nerves that connects both hemispheres of he brain allowing them to work together 

*Music instruction speeds up maturation of the auditory pathway in the brain and increases its efficiency

Music :
– Enriches right/left brain connection
– Boosts executive functioning
– Improves motor skills
– Fosters math and science
– Sharpens self esteem
– Promotes empathy
– Slows aging
– Elevates mental health

Special thank you goes out to Maryann “Mar.” Harman for submitting this blog post. Find Music with Mar.’s music on Songs for Teaching here!

Some of Music with Mar.’s most popular albums

Find more educational music here:

Shout Out to Chicago Bucket Drummers!

How These Amazing Musicians Inspire

Nanny Nikki Today’s post is written by October Artist of the Month, Nikki Rung (aka Nanny Nikki) on her love for the Chicago bucket drummers and how they inspired a song on her recent album Sing and Soar. Nanny Nikki! is a Chicago based, Grammy® nominated, interactive children’s entertainer and teaching artist who loves sharing her love of music with young children and their loved ones.

My love for music started at a young age. I was always struck by the music that I experienced in the community around me. Even as a young adult, catching someone busking on the sidewalks around Chicago was a special treat. Someone sharing what they love whether they filled their tip jar or not- that felt special.  Whether it was under a walkway after a Bears game, meandering around Millennium Park or strolling down Michigan Ave., I am always particularly thrilled when I see bucket drummers. 

In my honest opinion, bucket drummers are synonymous with Chicago and summertime. Even from a distance the incredible drum beat patterns would begin to beckon me. As I would walk closer, I could feel the beat deeply in my chest and I’d quickly become mesmerized. The drum sticks are moving so fast, it’s almost a blur. The tenacity of the performer is captivating- you could see the extreme concentration in their face. With every ounce of their being, they are pouring out their music and I’m sent into a trance. THIS was what music is meant to do- to speak for us, and to us, in ways that words just aren’t able.


I LOVE walking down the street and feeling that rhythm hit me but I realized that isn’t the case for everyone.  A few years back there were a series of signs that kept appearing in downtown Chicago asking residents to call the police on the “bucket bangers”- I thought this was outrageous! I was completely floored – How could they not appreciate this incredible art form?! As the days passed, the picture of these signs kept coming to the forefront of my mind. I kept asking myself, “What can be done about this? How can I change this misunderstanding?” I decided that I could use my own musical abilities to share this joyful art form with my audience!

I wanted my listeners, no matter what their age, to know the joy I feel when I hear those drums so that they too can stop and enjoy that magic too.  Multi-instrumentalist Steve Carpenter brought the bucket drumming to life with his remarkable abilities. Getting him into a top notch recording studio and watching with great anticipation as the crew excitedly set up their recording equipment was an incredible experience; it was a first for all of us- recording a bucket drum! I’m grateful for my amazing producer and co-writer Liam Davis (4 time Grammy® nominated producer) for collaborating with me to bring this tune to life! The drum fills, the organ… all the layers that went into this song- it is truly something I am proud to share with the world… I hope you love it too!

The Beat is the first track on Nanny Nikki’s EP, Sing & Soar which is up for consideration for a Grammy® this year. Listen to a sample below.

Nikki Rung is also a member of The 1 Tribe Collective whose collaborative album, All One Tribe was nominated in 2022 for a Grammy® for Best Children’s Music Album.